This is the tale of a 24-year-old human being who weighs 106 kg and was a night owl, going to bed at 7:30 a.m. after eating breakfast, consuming a lot of fast food at night, getting up around 2:30 p.m., playing a lot of video games, struggling with controlling my temper, and most importantly, having a son and partner who are emotionally unavailable.
Indeed, that was me.
Yet I eventually understood that I was drifting with the tide. I had no control over who I was or how my life would turn out. I wanted to alter that. I was running away from my problems. I still had a lot of problems. I was sweeping them under the rug each time. I even forgot about my problems. I desired to change. I wasn't sure where to begin.
The rule was to "unlearn everything" and "empty the vessel." I was surrounded by noises and images instructing me what to do, who to be, and what I ought to think. I came to understand that a lot of outside influences were shaping my ideals, changing who I am and who I want to be. I didn't want any distractions.
Bangalore! Namma uuru
The ideal spot to grow and shrink. To reside alone, I was looking for an apartment. My caring friends and family members asked me, "Why are you staying alone?”
Being alone is bad for your mental well-being.
It was the luxury of solitude rather than the darkness of loneliness.
No games, no social media, no friends, no parties, no relatives, no tobacco. I was avoiding arousals, especially those that were pleasurable dopamine triggers.
As clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson says, always begin by cleaning your room first. Since the room was difficult for me to handle, I moved on to my desk. 106 kg me never wanted to be physically healthy. Nobody has ever teased me, called me fat, or bullied me. I was an accepted obese person. I took more than two months to establish my sleep schedule and learn to get up at five in the morning. I went to bed 15 minutes earlier each night than the day before. Instead of waking up at five in the morning, the objective was to sleep in. The objective was to simply rise 15 minutes earlier than usual.
Getting better 1% every day counts.
I had progressed from daily 15-minute walks to 30-minute runs and had reached 8 kilometers. These days, the only time my brain produces dopamine is when I receive a notification of success from the fitness app.
No movies, no music, no Instagram consumption, no art, no live soccer match. Yes, even soccer matches. Why?
Rooting for our favorite football team causes the brain to release dopamine, which can create feelings of happiness and satisfaction. Due to the thrill and anticipation of a game, as well as the sense of community and belonging that comes from being a member of a fan base, following and cheering on a favorite football team can also boost dopamine levels. My intention was to release that dopamine through my actions. My achievements came from hard effort, not just sitting on my couch drinking coke and eating pizza while cheering on a team.
It's all about pretending. Everything and everyone in Bangalore was unfamiliar to me. I was also new to them. My persona was something I made up—a persona I desired to have. I began introducing myself as this character to others. I think of this character as my inner parent. I began to consider this before making any decisions and wondered what this dude would do.
Will he eat this pizza?
Will he stay in bed?
Will he say no to nicotine?
Will he go to a party?
Will he Netflix and chill?
Habits shape identity, and every action is a poll for my persona.
We all know the power of routine from kindergarten itself, but the inner child inside us doesn't want to be disciplined.
Do you believe those who train every day at 4:30 a.m. have the drive to do so? No, we don't always feel motivated. Discipline and perseverance are what enable us to achieve this. The feelings and ideas we share at night will be the ones we have when we wake up.
I had believed that practicing meditation would allow me to achieve nirvana and let go of everything. But then I understood that meditation had forced me to confront and see thoughts and feelings I didn't want to. I've found that facing my fears has always helped.
That shifted my mindset.
This is not a success story. I am just looking back from where I came and how everything started.
Gratitude.
It's all about the journey, the process, not the destination.
I read this somewhere:
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago, and the second-best time is now!
So let's start with that small task: cleaning up the desk or ironing my own clothes. I am shaping a life I can be proud of. It's all about the journey, not the destination.
This is my journey, and it's just the beginning.
🤘🏽
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